Hispania and Mercedes both lost drivers to the edges of the track at Monaco in this morning's first practice session.
Vitantonio took the plunge first as he got a little wobbly under braking for the first chicane after the tunnel section, spearheading the front of his car into the armco. To the untrained eye his coming together with the barrier might look as if he turned in too early for the left-hander - but at All About Lewis we can confirm that it was the driver's fault entirely. 'Ant' loves his chocolate, as we can all see, and by tuning into the normally surpressed pit radio we learned that while driving through the comparitive darkness of the tunnel section the Hispania driver was sneakily eating a finger of Twix - something he wanted to hide as he emerged into the sunlight. He allegedly threw the half eaten snack down into the footwell where it became lodged under the brake pedal. Without even braking pressure 'Tonio had no choice but to throw the front of his car to the side. After taking off the front wing and biffing up the nose cone he parked up safely out of the way. In what looked like a stalling manouvre he spent more time than usual replacing his steering wheel before abandoning his car; probably looking to see if he could retrieve the offending confectionary.
The next driver to lose sight of the treacherous narrow streets of Monaco was Germany's hero in a half shell Michael "The Cobbler" Shoemaker.
After being held up (not at gunpoint) momentarily towards the end of a lap, the Godfather of ESP gave it the beans down the pit straight, only to come a right cropper at turn 1. Viewers of the BBC's "Jenson Rouge" channel rode onboard at the time of the accident to watch as the glaring goof unfolded.
It appeared that Michael's cold brakes, cold tyres and the bumpy road surface all ganged up on him in one foul swoop. Keen viewers were able to see his realisation that his entry speed was too much for the components at that particular time and at the last minute he changed his mind and tried to steer into the run-off area at the end of the straight. Sadly momentum and gravity seemed to have planned his fate for this session and the ex-Fezza champion was planted quite abruptly into the tyres. We'll have to wait and see just what the damage is to the chassis and suspension of the Grey Goose, and to see if the diff is intact. No snacks were reported to have been seen in Michael's car.
Massa looks to be a great shape this weekend - his practice times were among the fastest and he looked good throughout.
Alfonzo the great race-cheating whinging moaning feckless card trick-peddling forehead-fungus bringer of only slightly more up-beatedness than Wibba on a good day double World Champion Ferrari Life Sentence Slave harbinger of muck was looking insatiable on track. He threw the Scuderia around the swimming pool section like a man posessed - we hate to say it but he actually looked damn good throughout.
Lewis put in some consistent fast laps and led the field for a time. What's significant is he was constantly faster than Buttface. We like.
Paul Di Resta put in some good laps considering the last time he drove this circuit was in 2005 when he was 9 years old.
Wibba was seen crying his eyes out at the back of the Red Bull garage because the team only gave him 1 gear to work with. Well Mark that's what you get for being a miserable twat. Surely Seb could hook him up to get his dick sucked this weekend?
Oh - talking of the Red Bull number 1, the man Kettle went fastest. But who gives a fuck about that?
No comments:
Post a Comment